Sam: We had a lovely evening, sharing our tastes in music and drinking more rum punch. We felt really relaxed with each other.
I’m not sure what time it was, but we arrived at a natural ‘moment’.
The mood was right, the lighting was right, everything was just right.
I was sitting on the chair and Cheryl was lying on the floor. We were
getting into deep conversation.
Cheryl complemented me by saying she had never met someone like me before. It didn’t sound cheesy, she seemed really sincere.
 The time was nearing for me to go home and I had already made up in my mind that I was not leaving until I had kissed Cheryl.
I didn’t realise how close she was to me when she reached up to change the music on her computer.
As she leant upwards I kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her; on
her lips, on her neck, on her head...It was really passionate, like the
stuff you see on TV where you think, that stuff never really happens!
After that wondrous kiss and really wondrous moment we fell silent.
Blessence Editor (hanging off the chair): Cheryl, how did you feel, from the moment you reached up to change the music?
Cheryl: I saw Sam coming towards me and then it was literally, wow –
did that really happen? I had to say; OK, breathe Cheryl! I know it
sounds geeky but she really did take my breath away.
It was so
unexpected, but to be honest, it was also always a possibility because
the relationship was moving in that direction.
By now, my relationship with my girlfriend was very much strained. It
certainly did not affect that moment though. You can’t lie about how
you feel.
I am so glad that Sam has admitted kissing me because, ever since, she
has said that I was the one who seduced and kissed her! (Sam laughs).
It was definitely a kiss that I could only have been given. It was very
much one of a kind and I was very much taken aback. (Sam laughs again).
Then, Sam went home (bless Ed looks at them, in shock). We were very, very disciplined!
 Sam: I wasn’t taking it for granted that Cheryl was going to be with me
because I didn’t know what circumstance or position she was in. I made
the choice to kiss her and I was cool with just that.
I was happy to get up and go home, I wouldn’t have been happy to go further.
By then I had known Cheryl for about a year, and I had good, strong
feelings about her just as human being. Girlfriend or not she was
somebody I would have wanted in my life as a friend.
I was happy to let it take its course and if it would be, then it would be. I also respected what she had to do, for her.
Cheryl: There was no pressure
 Sam: You cannot control something like that. We didn’t make each other
any promises and I was adamant that we wouldn’t do that. Also, you need
to be in a free space to make those decisions.
It was two months after that kiss that we got together and really began to enjoy each other – experiencing new things.
I think Cheryl met me at a time in my life when she was looking for
change. I was comfortable with my life. I wasn’t searching or worried
about anything. I thought if it works, it works or if it doesn’t then I
have met someone nice along the way.
From then we have taken it really slowly. It’s been almost two years.
We’ve just returned from The Gambia. We had a fantastic holiday
together.
Cheryl: Sam has taught me a lot about relationships. I did say to her:
‘Don’t let me become complacent’. I am happy about the way she loves
me. It’s a whole different experience. I have grown. Our holiday was
lovely - 14 days of just Sam and I.
We don’t live together because I am still growing. Sam is still at uni
and although she is very focused, I sometimes feel I am a distraction
although I know that she cannot be distracted.
That’s one of the things
I love about Sam. She is very self-sufficient. When I first met her one
of the many things I really liked was her independence. She knows what
she wants out of life, she has her goals and she’s focused. Overall,
she’s a humanitarian. I would say I’m a lover of people.
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We have great debates where I would give my opinion and she would encourage me to look at it in a different way.
We try to keep our relationship fresh. We will meet up, go for dinner
and then say: ‘Right, we’re going back to our own homes’! I had to
learn that. It’s great because it has given me more space to grow and
become even more independent.
Sam has shown me how to take time for myself and love me as an individual.
Editor: You haven’t mentioned clubbing once! But I’ve seen you inside a club so you must do that too?
Sam: We’re not big clubbers. We tend to go out on my terms - if I feel like it (they laugh).
We like to do lots of other things. That’s important. It’s refreshing
that we met in a work environment because we had to take the time to
get to know each other.
In a club, sometimes the heat and the music
make everything seem better than it is.
Cheryl: I find the gay clubbing scene very fickle. I’ve never formed a
relationship with anyone I have met in a gay club. There’s still a lot
of growth needed on the scene. I find it to be quite young.
Sam: As you get older, you look for something different, depending on
what you like. I know that if I go out to have a good time then I will.
If you are looking to meet people and have a conversation, that’s just not going to happen.
When I first went out on the scene at 18 I found that people were not
very open or accessible. Many of us experience isolation anyway so I
thought; well if we are all in the same space, why isolate ourselves in
a club that’s for us? It didn’t make sense to me.
 Cheryl: I think the gay club scene is making moves though; it’s definitely more welcoming now.
Sam: There are so many different events. It would probably be better if
the promoters worked together and stop competing because there are not
enough people.
Cheryl: The black gay community has definitely moved on, although there
is still room for development. UKBP (UK Black Pride) is really popular.
I hope it gets bigger.
The club scene is OK for what it is, but I enjoy going to Westminster,
taking a boat to Greenwich, sitting in Greenwich Park, stopping off in
M&S. Gone are the days where we need to walk with a Dutch pot, we
can eat humous now!
I love museums and art galleries and walking along
the South Bank.
I don’t look for the action spots too much, but that’s all to do with growth and maturity.
Friendships, let alone relationships are hard to form in action spots.
That friendship basis is then formed around that particular spot. You
could lose that connection if that spot or club disappears. It’s very
superficial.
Culture is important in a relationship. Sometimes, on wet, windy days, Sam insists that we go out - even to a museum, they are free!
Sam: I have difficulty with clubbing as a way of connecting and meeting
people. I find it difficult to strike up an enlightening conversation.
I feel like I’m transported back to 16 or 17 where it’s all about who
you know and what you wear.
As a black LGBT community, culture is extremely important. If we want
funding for events we need to show our worth, including our cultural
knowledge.
I like to be around lesbians who are interesting. I don’t really care
about how many girls you’re sexing (but I would be happy for you), or
want to know what Capleton’s next tune is.
For me it’s: ‘Did you see the news last night? What’s happening with the taxes?’
We need some more forward thinking in our community. As someone who
pays to go to festivals, a buyer; I would like to see more culture.
And to you couples from both Sam and Cheryl: Keep it real and honest.
There’s always room for debate, compromise, understanding and growth.
And remember, you can always agree to disagree.
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